What is coaching? A story...

It all started with an onion….

Way back, I used to marvel at how many onion shells my mum could pry out of one single onion. How does she do this, I would ask myself. She did this without bruising even one of those shells. Each shell would come out, perfectly oval in shape, with beautifully translucent skin, and there they were, all these shells sitting together on the bench waiting to be stuffed to make one of my favourite childhood dishes – dolma.

Many years on, I would attempt this myself in my own kitchen and I can tell you, getting that first shell out is a long way short of perfection. So many bruised shells, so many thick shells because so much remains stuck. So much frustration in realising I could only get 3 or 4 shells out of the onion when my mum would unfurl 10.

I didn’t really understand the significance of this story or the onion and its connection with my purpose in life till much later. I remember sitting with someone at a work session to practise a coaching technique. As I asked question after question, I felt this deep sense of knowing that I was doing something important. The person before me was unfurling right before my very eyes, each question and each answer opened him up to a deeper understanding of what lay beneath. Until finally, he sat back, and I could see that there were no more onion shells left.

From that day on, I wanted to do that for people. I wanted to sit with them and help them peel the onions that are their lives. The shells upon shells that have got themselves stuck in our core. The shells that keep us from speaking up, the shells that keep us from asking for what we want, the shells that keep us from being ourselves, the shells that keep us small.

Despite this early realisation, it wasn’t until many years later that I trusted myself enough to peel my own onion. My onion was so full and so stuffed that it felt impossible that anyone could possibly get in there and free that first onion shell. But someone offered to sit down with me and a cup of tea and just ask me some questions. And just like that, I felt the first onion shell dislodge. That day, I floated on air, nothing could bring me down. I looked at this beautiful world around me with so much curiosity and wonder. I was truly full of wonder – I was wonderful.

And there began my journey to embodying what it is to be a coach – what it is to sit with others and help them dislodge that first onion shell and then many more shells. The dislodging of those shells means a return to self, a return to the truly incredible humans we are all born to be. The humans born with unlimited potential. The humans born to learn, to discover, to try, to fail, to get up, to cry, to laugh, to simply be.

But then something happens. Something happens that tells us that maybe you can’t just be, maybe you should worry aboutwhat others think, maybe you should be careful how you run, maybe you should control how you feel and just like that the onion shells start to gather up around our core. You can’t pinpoint when it all started to happen but before you know it, you are not all that nice to yourself. But you also doubt if this is just you – did you somehow stuff your onion so much that it’s now incapable of undoing? You ask yourself that question a lot but there is so much to do, you just try to survive and not overthink it. But when you look back to who you used to be, do you even recognise yourself?

This is not what you thought your life would be. Until one day, someone asks a question, and you feel a dislodging of that first shell and so a new journey begins – a new journey to return to where it all started – you being. 

If you'd like to know more about leadership coaching at Work of Love, aimed at inside-out transformation for leaders, teams & groups, please email me, schedule a 15-min call or connect via LinkedIn. Speak soon...

With love,

Jasmine